Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Forgive Me, Please

Inevitably, I have managed to offend a few very dear people who have read my Proposition 8 promotions and have found me lacking in my ability to communicate love and conviction simultaneously and have misinterpreted my message to be one of judgment and condemnation. From you, I beg forgiveness. Please forgive me. I will try harder to convey the love I truly feel without compromising my opinion of same-sex marriage.

Tonight I had the opportunity to attend The Divine Institution of Marriage Broadcast from Church headquarters in Salt Lake City to stake centers throughout California. Dan had to work late, so I readied the boys and packed an arsenal of treats, drinks, and diversions whose sole purpose would be to help them forget that it was way past their bedtime. As I prepared to leave the house, my emotions were all over the place, but foremost was an intense desire for confirmation that what I am doing and what I believe is right. I snuck away from the boys and dropped to my knees in prayer by my bed. Wave upon wave of raw emotion hit me as I recognized the challenges I face as a hopeless people pleaser - normally I shy away from conflict; I shrink from confrontation; I say yes more often than is healthy; and I never share my opinions for fear of contradicting someone else's and causing bad blood. And then I tried to reconcile that self-knowledge with my desire to actively support Proposition 8, and the effect was this intense torn feeling which can more accurately be described as feeling like being ripped to shreds. At any rate, nothing earth-shattering occurred while I prayed - Soren and Anders came to investigate the strange and unfamiliar scene of their mother weeping on her knees - but when I finished, I felt at peace. The broadcast was packed, with the chapel filled and attendees spilling into the hard folding chairs set up in the cultural hall. My heart went out to them and their numb bums. We were addressed by Elders Ballard and Cook of the Quorum of the Twelve and Elder Whitney Clayton of the Quorum of the Seventy. The message was one of love and conviction, presented in a very loving manner (one I obviously have not mastered), that yet did not lack determination. I was particularly impressed and validated by Elder Ballard's singling out of young single adults and young married couples in spearheading efforts and dedicating as much time as possible to the grassroots movement to support Proposition 8. He also begged young people to use the diverse forms of media available to discuss and promote Proposition 8. It was really funny as he tackled a list of popular media resources such as texting, twittering, blogging, and "writing on your walls." He mentioned that in his time, "writing on the wall" would have meant facing his mother's wrath. All in all, the meeting was very validating, reassuring, and uplifting. I left that stake center tonight with renewed commitment to dedicate as much time as possible, and more, to this worthy cause and if you also support Proposition 8, I encourage you to do the same in whatever way you can. The leaders who spoke tonight also announced a new website where people can go to find information and answers to commonly asked questions about Proposition 8 and same-sex marriages. I have included a link to that website (Preserving Marriage) and other resources in my sidebar for your reference.

Soren nearly fell asleep on the bench at church while a good friend, Janet, entertained Anders with a paper airplane construction tutorial (note that my toys and snacks and drinks didn't divert long enough...they never do). The boys literally dropped into bed when we got home and I hope to do the same soon. Tomorrow the boys will be loaded into the double stroller accompanied by an already packed (and hardly touched) arsenal of distractions and we will be thanking Heavenly Father for the 17 degree drop in temperature as we walk around our neighborhood doing 2nd passes. Good night!